The last two months marks five years since one of the most challenging times of my life. One of my battles with depression.
It was a scary time and it came in a snap. One minute I was doing fine, the next minute I could feel everything building, growing, getting ready to boil over. And then it did and it shook my world. I had fallen into a deep depression.
For several weeks the only things I was able to do was sleep and cry. I slept every minute I wasn’t absolutely needed. I could lay on the couch and be asleep within minutes then wake up 5-10-15 minutes later to help my kids then back to sleep. When I was awake for a period of time I cried. I cried and cried and cried. I was out of control.
I felt heavy, scared, dark, sad, anxious, frantic, disappointed, unworthy. I felt like I was in a deep dark pit. I couldn’t see the sun and I couldn’t find a way out. It was oppressive.
Thankfully I got help. I had already been going to a doctor and was already on medication. We upped that and added another and another and pretty soon I was on 5 different prescriptions.
Finally, I started feeling more like myself. I could see a faint glimmer of sunlight from my dreary hole. That light got bigger and brighter. I was able to see and able to slowly climb out of that pit.
My battle with depression isn’t over. It has been going on my entire life and will continue. But, there’s hope. There is a glimmer of light that keeps me going. I’m on good meds, I have a good doctor, I have a patient and supportive husband, I have a beautiful life to live.
I never want to go through that intense depression again. And I hurt for those who are going through it. But I learned a lot. I learned how to climb out of that pit when I fall into it. Sometimes its a slow and laborious process and it’s always hard and painful. But I can do it. And you can too. You can get through your challenges. You can find the light in your life. I promise.
Know that I pray for you and that you are not alone.