Battling Monday (4-23-18)

The last two months marks five years since one of the most challenging times of my life. One of my battles with depression.

It was a scary time and it came in a snap. One minute I was doing fine, the next minute I could feel everything building, growing, getting ready to boil over. And then it did and it shook my world. I had fallen into a deep depression.

For several weeks the only things I was able to do was sleep and cry. I slept every minute I wasn’t absolutely needed. I could lay on the couch and be asleep within minutes then wake up 5-10-15 minutes later to help my kids then back to sleep. When I was awake for a period of time I cried. I cried and cried and cried. I was out of control.

I felt heavy, scared, dark, sad, anxious, frantic, disappointed, unworthy. I felt like I was in a deep dark pit. I couldn’t see the sun and I couldn’t find a way out. It was oppressive.

Thankfully I got help. I had already been going to a doctor and was already on medication. We upped that and added another and another and pretty soon I was on 5 different prescriptions.

Finally, I started feeling more like myself. I could see a faint glimmer of sunlight from my dreary hole. That light got bigger and brighter. I was able to see and able to slowly climb out of that pit.

My battle with depression isn’t over. It has been going on my entire life and will continue. But, there’s hope. There is a glimmer of light that keeps me going. I’m on good meds, I have a good doctor, I have a patient and supportive husband, I have a beautiful life to live.

I never want to go through that intense depression again. And I hurt for those who are going through it. But I learned a lot. I learned how to climb out of that pit when I fall into it. Sometimes its a slow and laborious process and it’s always hard and painful. But I can do it. And you can too. You can get through your challenges. You can find the light in your life. I promise.

Know that I pray for you and that you are not alone.

Love,

Kendra

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Try a little Monday (4-16-18)

“Try a little harder to be a little better” is my motto today.

I am blatantly aware that I cannot do it all and so I am trying to remind myself to do what I can. I am also trying so hard to bite my tongue and not yell at my kids (one kid in particular). Despite all my shortcomings, I always have tomorrow to try and do better than I did today. For that I am grateful.

So, happy Monday. I hope tomorrow is even better than today.

Love,

Kendra

Monday Light (4-9-18)

I love this quote. I have so many dark days it’s often hard to see beyond them. But there is hope and light out there. Every time I pass through the darkness and start to see the light my heart sings. How beautiful the world is when looking at it in the light after being in the dark.

Being buried, being in the dark, is awful. I hurt for anyone who is there. But when we’re through we come out stronger. We just have to push, fight, grow. Keep going until we see the light.

Hang in there friends. The light will come.

Love,

Kendra

Monday after Easter (4-2-18)

Nine years ago on Easter Sunday my brother in law pulled us aside and announced that he was going to quit chemo. He had been fighting cancer for a year. He passed away a few weeks later.

I always think of Geoff on Easter. But not in a sad way. I think of him in a grateful way. I’m so grateful because I know I will see him again. It’s because of Easter and my knowledge of the Savior that I am not sad. I miss Geoff but I am not sad.

How was your Easter? Mine was great. I made a big breakfast and set the table with real dishes and a tablecloth and everything, and then my kids broke two dishes. But that’s ok, breakfast was still delicious.

I hope you have a great week. I hope you know how important you are.

Love,

Kendra

Monday Love (3-26-18)

I am one lucky girl. Last week I celebrated my 36th birthday. I am not only blessed to live a happy, healthy life but I am blessed by all the people I share it with. I was blown away by the love that I felt.

I recently wasn’t feeling so great about myself. I wanted to feel love for myself. So I prayed. I prayed that I would feel God’s love for me and through that love I hoped to feel love for myself. My prayer wasn’t answered right away but last week it was. Through family and friends showering me with kindness I not only felt their love for me but I also felt God’s love and in return I felt love for others and love for myself.

I hope you feel love for yourself and I hope you feel love from others. You are worth it and you deserve all the love. Hope you have a fabulous day and week.

Love,

Kendra

Not So Bad Monday (3-19-18)

Hi!

Anyone who knows me knows that I love Audrey Hepburn. She is my favorite actress and I think she was just amazing. I found this quote by her that kind of solidifies my opinion.

“The greatest victory has been to be able to live with myself, to accept my shortcomings… I’m a long way from the human being I’d like to be. But I’ve decided I’m not so bad after all.

Audrey Hepburn

She also said:

“On a bad day there is always lipstick.”

Wise, wise words.

“I’ve decided I’m not so bad after all.” I think we are all not so bad. In fact, I think we are doing better than we think we are. It may not look like it, it may seem hard but really, we’re doing ok. Better than ok, we are doing great. You are doing great. You have things to accomplish and though it may not seem like your doing anything you’re doing something for someone. Someone is grateful you are you. I’m grateful for you.

I think it’s easy to beat yourself up. I know I do it. But we have, I have, so much more to offer. I’m doing ok, I don’t need to tear myself down. And you shouldn’t either!

Your self worth is unmeasurable. You are important. Don’t forget that.

Love,

Kendra

It’s Monday (3-12-18)

It’s 8:30 pm and I just realized it’s Monday and I have not written. Today being my kids’ first day of spring break has me all thrown off. So, forgive the lateness.

I love when my kids have a day off of school. Today we rode our bikes to the store to buy donuts, went out to lunch and played games at Chuck E Cheese. And I have to give a shout out to how beautiful of a day it was. Right now I’m sitting next to an open window just soaking in the fresh outside. I know it’s not super warm for a lot of you but it was a lovely day here. So I will send you some sunny spring air. Can you feel it? Probably not but hopefully you can feel my optimism. I read today that, “There is an energy that comes from happiness and optimism that doesn’t just bless us- it builds everyone around us.” (Sharon Eubank)

Today I am hoping to build and share and bless. I hope to help you feel lighter. I hope to help you feel loved. Because you deserve happiness. You are worth it. You have something good to give. So go out and give and bless and lift. And I will too.

Love,

Kendra