Monday Disappointment (2-26-18)

Man am I disappointed with myself today. Recently I started going to boot camp, an exercise class. It’s three days a week at 5 am at a park. It’s early, dark, cold and hard but I’ve really been enjoying it. The first day I was supposed to start I woke up to get ready but my anxiety held me back and kept me from going. I convinced a friend to do it with me and haven’t had that anxiety about going. Until today. I couldn’t do it. I just couldn’t go. I sat on the edge of my bed for twenty minutes trying to get myself up and ready. I finally went back to bed.

Have you ever had that happen to you? You have something to do, something you want to do or know you are capable of doing and you freeze. You can’t move. You can’t think. Sometimes you can’t breathe. And you for sure can’t get yourself up to do the thing you were going to do.

I don’t know why this happens. I know it’s anxiety. I know it can be debilitating. I know it’s frustrating. But I don’t know why, I just don’t understand it. What’s really hard is when it’s totally unpredictable. When it happens out of the blue you just can’t do anything to prepare for it. You’re just stuck. Frozen. Paralyzed.

If you’ve ever had this happen you know what I mean. And you’re not alone. I’m here fighting with you. So hang in there. I’ll hang in there too.

Love,

Kendra

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