Monday Disappointment (2-26-18)

Man am I disappointed with myself today. Recently I started going to boot camp, an exercise class. It’s three days a week at 5 am at a park. It’s early, dark, cold and hard but I’ve really been enjoying it. The first day I was supposed to start I woke up to get ready but my anxiety held me back and kept me from going. I convinced a friend to do it with me and haven’t had that anxiety about going. Until today. I couldn’t do it. I just couldn’t go. I sat on the edge of my bed for twenty minutes trying to get myself up and ready. I finally went back to bed.

Have you ever had that happen to you? You have something to do, something you want to do or know you are capable of doing and you freeze. You can’t move. You can’t think. Sometimes you can’t breathe. And you for sure can’t get yourself up to do the thing you were going to do.

I don’t know why this happens. I know it’s anxiety. I know it can be debilitating. I know it’s frustrating. But I don’t know why, I just don’t understand it. What’s really hard is when it’s totally unpredictable. When it happens out of the blue you just can’t do anything to prepare for it. You’re just stuck. Frozen. Paralyzed.

If you’ve ever had this happen you know what I mean. And you’re not alone. I’m here fighting with you. So hang in there. I’ll hang in there too.

Love,

Kendra

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Monday Fail (2-19-18)

Hi there!

My baby threw up during the night but I didn’t know until I got him out of his crib this morning. I felt terrible. Poor baby was sick during the night and I didn’t even know. I felt like a big fat mom fail.

After getting him cleaned up he was happy and because the kids don’t have school today I decided to take them to Chick fil A for breakfast. We had barely gotten on the freeway when he threw up again! Back home we went. Once again I felt like I failed.

Did I fail? Am I a mom failure? No. No I’m not. And neither are you. We are so hard on ourselves. We think if we don’t do things that are Pinterest worthy we have failed. Mom fail. Dad fail. Pinterest fail. That’s all a lie. We are not failures. In fact, we are doing surprisingly well. We are doing better than we think and better than we give ourselves credit for.

The other day I was having a rough day. Instead of dwelling on all the things I could and should be doing and all the things I felt I was failing at I started making a list in my head of all the things I had accomplished that day. It was longer than I expected. Even though I so wanted to crawl back in bed I felt so much better after I gave myself credit for all the things I had done that day.

Thomas S. Monson said, “As we arise each morning let us determine to respond with more love and kindness to whatever might come our way.”

That includes responding with more love and kindness to our own personal “failures”.

None of us are failures. We are just trying to do the best we can and that counts for something.

You count for something. You matter. You are important. And you are by no means a failure.

Love,

Kendra

Monday Love (2-12-18)

Hello and happy Monday.

We have a tradition where I put gifts inside little mailboxes each day before Valentine’s Day. My kids love it. Everyday they come home from school and check their mailbox. Inside they find a dollar store toy or candy or something small. It takes some planning and really it’s a waste of money but it’s a tradition that they look forward to. So I do it, every year.

“True love blooms when we care more about another person than we care about ourselves.” Jeffrey R. Holland

Sometimes I forget to care more about other people than myself. Sometimes it’s easier to be selfish than caring.

There are things I do care about. I care about my children, my husband, my family, my friends. I care about you. I care if you are having a good day or a bad day. So I hope you are having a good day. I hope you have a good week. I hope you have someone to say “I love you” to on Valentine’s Day.

Love,

Kendra

Hard on yourself Monday (2-5-18)

“Don’t be so hard on yourself. The mom in E.T. Had an alien living in her house for days and didn’t notice,”

Don’t be so hard on yourself… Easier said than done but oh so important.

I have been beating myself up lately. I’m not good enough, I’m not smart enough, my house isn’t clean enough, I’m not teaching my kids enough, I’m too lazy, I’m not eating right, I’m not exercising enough, I complain too much, I’m not good, I’m not pretty, I’m not funny, I can’t do anything right. Well, there’s one thing I can do really well and that is beat myself down. There is too much in this world to pull us down, we shouldn’t add to it.

Today I am telling myself, “if there is one good thing I accomplish today that is to be kind to myself.” It’s so much easier, I think, to be kind towards others. I can forgive someone else much easier than I can forgive myself. I can see the good in another long before I can see the good in myself. I see all the things I think are bad and I start to think that I am bad. I feel all the negative and I start to become negative. I hate all those feelings and I start to hate myself. Everyone else is unhappy because of me. So not true but it’s true that I tell myself that. It’s exhausting. It takes work and effort and time to think all those thoughts and to feel all those feelings. It’s just not good. It’s just not worth it. I am more valuable than that. My time is too precious to waste on that. And so is yours. Let’s be kind to ourselves today and this week. Let’s stop being so hard on ourselves.

Love,

Kendra