Happy Monday today and happy Halloween tomorrow! Did you know that today is also National candy corn day and sugar addiction awareness day? And Saturday was my brother’s birthday. He would have been 47. Ten years ago we celebrated his last birthday before he passed away. We had dinner at my house and we carved pumpkins. Each of the grandkids who were there for their own pumpkin to carve. Not only did my brother help his own four kids but he helped each of his nieces and nephews carve theirs. He was pretty awesome like that. After dinner we sat around my patio table talking. It was a beautiful night. The kids played in the backyard and we had a nice soft light coming from the lit jack o lanterns. I loved watching Luke laugh at my one year old Jackson as he tried to climb in and play with one those cars that kids can sit in and move with their feet. Know what I’m talking about? I gave my brother a book, a western written by another Luke Short. He was so excited to read it. It was a beautiful night. Every year since I have felt a little angry that we don’t get to have that again.
Back in May my husband turned 37. Honestly, it was really hard for me. He is now the same age my brother was when he passed away. I’m the same age my sister in law was when she became a widow. Damon went on a business trip shortly after his birthday. I was scared. I was scared I would lose him.
I didn’t cry on Saturday, on Luke’s birthday, like I normally do. It was a good day. I was actually too busy to cry. Damon and I are learning how to sail and had a class on Saturday. Spending eight hours learning how then trying to sail a boat will keep your mind pretty occupied. But I’m crying now. Not just for me but also for my friends who have lost siblings or parents. Many many people have suffered loss. But I can’t disregard the good that has come with it. For example the connection I have with others who are hurting. Although it sucks I have learned quite a bit about compassion. Mourning with those who mourn. That’s a blessing in my life. I don’t know if I have helped anyone but having that connection, feeling like I can relate, has helped me. I think of my family and friends who have lost someone often. I hurt for them, with them. But I also heal a little bit each time I cry for a friend. I know my brother would care that I care. He was the most helping person I know. He gave so much. I have learned from him that I can give a little bit too. If my opportunity to give comes in the form of crying with my friends I will gladly do it. And then I feel peace knowing that I acted in a way that would make my brother proud of his little sister.
I hope today and this week is a good one for you. Give your family a hug and have a happy Halloween.