Have you ever wanted to stay in a single moment? Just settle in and live there permanently. Or, at least, never forget that instant and be able to replay it exactly as it happened over and over again.
I had one of those moments. My big kids were playing at the park and I had a minute to just sit on the floor with my 5 month old. He was doing his brand new yell/growl thing and blowing raspberries. I was tickling him. We were laughing together. Then I leaned over and gave him big fat kisses on his soft, smooth, chubby chubby cheeks and my heart missed a beat. I was happy and sad at the very same moment. I was so very happy to be in that moment with my sweet, perfect baby. But I was sad because I knew it wouldn’t last. And worse, I knew I would lose the feeling of his little hands touching my face and I would forget the cute noises he makes.
Having this new baby, seven years after my youngest, has been such an incredible joy. But I sometimes have moments of sadness because I can’t remember my other babies as much as I want to. I remember general stuff but not the specifics, not those sweet little moments that you promise yourself you will never forget. (I should seriously look up Lucy’s birth weight. Pretty soon she’s going to realize that 6 something isn’t an actual weight…)
I was talking with some friends about how our minds are like a file folder. We can easily recall the files in front but it takes longer to access the files in the back. I hope one day I can find all those good forgotten files. I’m perfectly ok if the bad ones are unsalvageabley moth eaten. (I think I made up that word). But just to find those good ones again, that would be grand.
On the other hand, there is plenty I hope to permanently forget. You know what I mean, the times I forgot to feed them dinner or the many times I’ve totally lost my cool or the times I’ve been so utterly frustrated I wanted to just walk out the door. I’m sure you have some of those, right?
So, I snuggled my baby and recommitted to slow down and be more present, more aware and less frenzied. I committed to look for the next sweet moment I want to never forget and the next and the next and the next.
What are some of your “please don’t ever let me forget” moments? How do you help yourself remember them? What do you do to try and be present?
After my little recommitment experience I was in the parking lot walking to my car and I had a flash back that made me laught out loud. It was when my boys were little little, like 2 and 3ish. We were leaving Target and walking to our car. I was trying to keep the boys walking close to me. “Come on , keep up, stay close to mom!” Jackson kept lagging behind. I turned to tell him again to stay close and saw that his pants had fallen down and he was waddling as fast as he could with his pants around his ankles! Oh my sweet, butt less Jackson!
Please, please, please have a wonderful week and try to remember all those grand moments. You are so very loved.